And I will tell you of the wrestle which I had before God, before I received a remission of my sins. Behold, I went to hunt beasts in the forest; and the words which I had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life, and the joy of the saints, sunk deep into my heart. And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer . . . all the day long did I cry unto him; and when night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens. (Enos 1: 2-4)
There is an ironic juxtaposition between this story and the story of his ancestor, Jacob. Enos' father was named after this great patriarch. (The story of this Jacob's wrestle with God is found in the Book of Genesis, chapter 32.)
Jacob had been born a twin. Through subterfuge and with his mother's help, Jacob tricks his father Isaac into giving him the birthright blessing instead of his brother Esau, who was the first to be born. The fact that Esau had lost the right to have the birthright through marrying out of the covenant and being casual with his adherence to God's laws, he was still very wroth at his brother, Jacob, calling him a thief and swearing to kill his brother.*
Jacob fled his home to escape Easu and went to live with his mother's brother. While there, Jacob married his wives Leah and Rachel and his wives' handmaidens, Zilpah and Bilhah. These women bore him 11 sons, but after 20 years, Jacob wanted to be independent of his father-in-law, so he sought to return home..
But Esau heard and was coming with 400 men! When Jacob realized this, he was terrified.** He prayed mightily, just as he descendent Enos would do thousands of years later. He described his ordeal as wrestling with God. In the process, Jacob's hip was dislocated and he walked with a limp from then on, but the Lord did bless him and renewed His covenant as he had with Abraham and Issac. To honor this renewal of the covenant, God changed Jacob's name from deceiver to Israel, one who struggles with God.
I like this portrayal of his struggle by Rembrandt. Most pictures show Jacob in mortal combat with an angel, full of malice on both sides. In this portrayal, I can see that the angel is, in reality, supporting Jacob as he wrestled. I believe that Jacob was really wrestling with himself; his own natural man and his sins.
Likewise, when Enos wrestled in mighty prayer, he was also confronting his fears and his weaknesses. He went to the forest to kills beasts and ended up slaying the beast of his own natural man. He was likewise blessed by God. He later wrote:
And there came a voice unto me, saying, Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed. And I, Enos, knew that God could not lie; wherefore my guilt was swept away. (Enos 1: 5, 6)
Have you struggled with God? I certainly have, and like Rembrandt's angel, He has supported me through it all, even when I felt angry with Him. I have had times when I have thrown a tantrum like a little child. Because I am by nature as loving and nurturing person, when that happens it really upsets the people around me. It helps me to have a diagnosis that allows me to see increasing tantrums in light of what is happening in my brain.
I cannot tell you what a relief it has been to let go and let God. I have been assured of His love, His compassion and mercy, His everlasting grace. Someone once said that justice is when we get what we deserve; mercy is when we don't get what we deserve; and grace is when we receive what we do not deserve, such as Jesus Christ's unconditional love and infinite atonement. I have been humbled by my struggles of the past few years, and in that humility, I have found grace and peace. I am grateful beyond words. I am also amazed.
© March 2020 Dr. Kathleen Rawlings
Buntin Danielson
*When Jacob was born, it is said that, as Esau left their mother's womb, Jacob grabbed his foot. Names are important in Hebrew culture. Therefore, he was named Jacob because that word derived from the Hebrew or deceiver or grabber.
* (For the full story of Jacob at this point in his life, I refer you to:
Jacob Wrestling With God
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