A STRUGGLE AND AN ANSWER: ENOS AND ME

I have been struggling for several years now with a malady that is physical, mental, and spiritual.  I've been to countless doctors and had almost every test known to mankind.  Yesterday, I saw yet a new neurologist.  He looked at the MRI I had done 18 months ago and knew instantly what was wrong.  He did some other simple tests and then gave me a diagnosis that is right on point.  

I am so relieved to finally know what is happening to me physically because the physical distress has made me feel out-of-control of my own life.  It has caused frustration, depression, and anxiety.  It has altered my personality in some pretty fundamental ways.  A natural optimist, encourager, and lover (in the non-physical sense) I have become angry, frustrated, and cynical.  

It has also been a spiritual struggle as if I am cramming for the finals with God.

I found out that this disorder - normal pressure hydrocephalus -  is not life-threatening.  It takes awhile, but it can be treated with a medication developed for another condition.  The medication, in some cases, can alleviate most of the symptoms that have so disrupted my life.  They have another medication they can substitute if that doesn't work.  

The next step, before surgery, is a spinal tap.  Not something I would look forward to having!

Worst case scenario would be surgery, but given my age, I am praying to avoid that.

I am so grateful that the Lord led me to this neurologist who was able to diagnose in a few minutes a malady that has eluded everyone (including me) for almost 2 years.  In fact, the doctor says I have probably had this for several years which, in hindsight, helps me understand a lot of other physical and emotional symptoms I have had.

I acknowledge the Lord's hand in my life.  I believe that this delay was to allow me to become more humble and teachable and reliant on God.  I have developed more patience in longsuffering.  I have learned to endure with grace and serenity.

Enos prayed to know Jesus Christ and to know forgiveness for his shortcomings. God could have zapped him with testimony and assurance, but He didn't.  Enos had to wrestle with mighty prayer and tears for hours.  When the answer did come, Enos was ready to hear it.

Sometimes God zaps us with an immediate answer; sometimes He  requires us to wait in order that we might learn a lesson necessary for our spiritual health and healing.  It happened that way for Enos.  It happened (and is happening) that way for me.

I know that I have a Father in Heaven Who loves me.  I know that His Son, Jesus Christ, came to earth to teach and exemplify and then to die on the cross for me and all mankind.  I know that because He was resurrected, I will be too.  I need not fear either death or hell because Jesus Christ holds the keys to both and He is my advocate with the Father and with all mankind. I humbly repent of anything I said or did to hurt anyone, even inadvertently, because of this physical condition and my not knowing what it was.  I pray that they can forgive me.  There are times in the past four years when I have not been myself.  I have missed the person that I have strived all my life to become.  I pray for the strength - now that I know what is going on in my brain - that I can once again become the loving, patient, and hopeful person I once was.

In this time of crisis in the world because of the pestilence known as COVID-19, I find great comfort in knowing that Jesus Christ is the God of this nation and of the world and that He is in charge. He has restored His gospel in these latter days and is reaching out, like the Master of the Vineyard, to gather all of Israel to the Tree of Life before the finale of the world.

I leave you this testimony in the name of Jesus Christ, Creator and Redeemer, Amen.

© March 2020 Dr. Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson