NEW BEGINNINGS: HOW TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND IN SEVERAL, NOT-SO-EASY STEPS; #1 Honesty

A new year will soon be upon us, a time for traditional resolutions to improve oneself.  With the year we've all had, I don't think we should wait until January. Each week, I will post one of these not-so-easy steps together with a suggestion to do.  If we just think about it, but don't do anything about it, nothing will change. 

#1 HONESTY

Let’s face it: we all have our blind spots. Unfortunately, these can get in the way of our happiness.  If you want to be your best self, it will take some work.  The first step is HONESTY: admitting to yourself that there are some drastic changes needed in your life.

This chart is called the Johari Window.  It was created in 1955 by psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram. It is often used in self-help groups for people wanting to make their lives happier and more productive. I have used it in my counseling practice for years (although I originally thought Johari was a term used by an Indian guru!) The chart indicates areas of your life known to yourself and others, just to yourself, just to others, and unknown or subconscious.

The first quadrant is the open area. I try to spend a lot of time in this area because it is authentic and honest.

The second quadrant is the blind spot: things that others see in me that I don’t see in myself.

The third quarter is a façade or hidden self.  These are things I know about myself that I don’t share with anyone.

The final quarter is unknown to me or to others.  This quadrant is huge in so many people’s lives. This is the one that tends to get us in trouble. We perseverate dysfunctional behaviors because we don't understand from whence they come. It is difficult to improve on something we don't understand.

Here are some ways to use this matrix:

You can access the first box by being honest and transparent with others whenever appropriate.  Be selective here. Not everyone needs to know everything about you. But when you do choose to share, do so without guile or hypocrisy.

You access the second box by listening without becoming defensive to feedback from others.  Again, you don’t need to listen to everyone because each person has his/her own agenda, but you should listen to that handful of people who truly love you and have your best interest at heart.

The third is like a mask you wear.  Sometimes, wearing the mask is appropriate for self-protection.  The trick is knowing when to take it down. When I was working, my mask was “cheerful, competent Kathy.” Underneath was a lot of anger.  I had to take care when and how I dealt with the anger.

Most people feel that the unknown self is inaccessible.  I’m here to tell you that it is accessible: it is known to God. In order for you to profit from this knowledge, you need to work on a consistent and close relationship with Jesus Christ.  He will tell you what you need to know, when you need to know it, and how you need to hear it so that you can accept it.  He is incredibly patient and merciful and He won’t overload you all at once.  The few examples where He did so included Alma the Younger in the Book of Mormon; the Apostle Paul in the New Testament; and the prophet, Jonah in the Old Testament.

Things to do: Pray daily. Begin by being honest with yourself and others.  Be honest with God.  If you are prayerful – at least once a day – He can guide you by the Light of His spirit. Be prepared to hear things from yourself, others, and God that are difficult to hear. Difficult, even painful, but necessary for growth and joy. 

And if men come unto me, I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12: 27)

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson December 2020                                                                                                                                                                 

GOD'S MESSENGER - Malachi

In the Book of Malachi* in the Old Testament, the Lord asks and then answers questions relating to His relationship with Israel.  After He warns of a burning at His coming, He asks who will be purged by a refiner's fire and fuller's soap.  His answer? - The proud and they that do wickedly.

Why did He accentuate the sin of pride and lump all of the other sins - some extremely heinous - in one category?  I think it is because, according to C.S. Lewis, Pride is the father of all the other sins. I agree.

My question for the Lord is this: How do I walk that fine line between purging pride without also scouring my sense of self? Jesus was humble and meek, yet He never questioned that He was the Great I Am. Can I do that?

I'm open to any answers.

* Just learned that in Hebrew, the word malachi means God's messenger. His name is who he was.

IS ANYBODY THERE? DOES ANYBODY CARE?

Somehow, in the past few years, I lost myself.  I've done it before and it usually turns out to be a blessing because of the spiritual and emotional growth I experience finding myself again.  In 1983, a year after my husband died, I went to BYU for the summer term and walked the streets of Provo for hours every Sunday.  I wondered to myself, "What am I looking for?" and I realized I was looking for me.  Somehow, in 20 years of marriage, I lost myself to Carmon's dream. It took months and years before I felt like Kathleen.

I've done the same thing again - lost myself.  Again, my life has been about someone or something else - my sister, my friend, my school.  When I moved away from my mountain home in 2016, I essentially lost all of those things and I lost myself in the bargain.

What has made it more complicated is that health problems, physical and emotional, have brought on an accelerated aging which makes it hard for me to do what I did almost forty years ago.  I can't walk for hours - or drive - or work.  I spent the past two years almost housebound. I had brain surgery last August to address the physical issues, but it didn't heal them or correct them.  I have lost my independence and I don't think I'm getting it back anytime short of heaven.

I don't know what to do next.  When Carmon died in August 1982, I got "stuck." Where he's concerned, he is still 42 years old and I'm 37.   I'm now 76 and my body and mind know it. 

I'm stuck in 2016 and grieving.  How do I find me again when the me I am now cannot be the me I was then?

I am giving my sorrow words.  Is anybody there? Does anybody care?

ADVENT SUNDAYS

 

There are only 4 Sundays until Christmas. Tuesday is December 1, the time to start your advent calendar. This year, Advent Sundays begin on November 29.

Early Christians had a special advent calendar.  It involved lighting a candle on every Sunday before Christmas and talking about Jesus Christ and the example He set for us. It was taken from ancient pagan rituals of Europe and, like many other of our Christmas traditions, were borrowed and used to teach Christian principles.  

I have borrowed the candle idea to teach my family about Jesus, beginning even before He was born.  Many critics argue that there is "too much Jesus before Jesus" in the Book of Mormon, but as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I understand that Jesus has lived from everlasting to everlasting (see Moroni 7:22) He was the foreordained Savior in the very beginning, before the world was even created.

We all lived as spirit children with our Heavenly Father.  Father had a plan for us; He would create a world where we could come to get bodies.  He would give us our agency, which meant we could choose right or wrong.  He wouldn’t force us.  He knew that we would sometimes make wrong choices.  We would need someone to Save us.  He called us all together in a great council and explained His plan.  He asked for volunteers to take the important role of Savior.  His son, Jehovah, said He would go down and follow the Father’s plan. Another son, Lucifer, said he would go down and do things his own way.  He would take away our agency and use force.  He said he would save us all, but that he wanted all the glory and power of the Father.  Heavenly Father chose the first.  The second son became so angry, that he rebelled and caused a war in Heaven.  He and all of the spirits who followed him were cast out.

Jehovah used Heavenly Father’s plan and created the world in which we live.  He created Adam and Eve, our first parents.  Satan (for that is who Lucifer became) tried to ruin Father’s plan by tempting Eve.  What he didn’t realize (because he didn’t know the mind of God) was to move the plan forward. God told Satan that he might be able to bruise mankind’s heels, but that one day, a man would crush his head.  That was the first recorded prophecy about the coming of a Savior.

Each of the four candles in the outside of the ring, represents one of the four Sundays before Christmas. The lighting of the candles is, therefore, a form of countdown to Christmas. It helps focus our attention (particularly children's attention) on the Savior at Christmas.

The first candle is for hope.  We all have hope for the future because of Jesus Christ.  All of the ancient prophets knew that He would keep His promise and come atone for our sins, die, and be resurrected.  Here are just three of those prophecies from the Old Testament and examples from Jesus’ life in the New Testament that to show how He fulfills the prophecy. There are many other examples.

Isaiah 7:14 -Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel (God with us.)

Luke 1: 26, 27, 31 – And in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God unto a city of Galilee, named Nazareth, to a virgin espoused to a many whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. . . And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name JESUS.

Matthew 1: 23 – Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.

Micah 5: 2 – But thou, Bethlehem, . . . though thou be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting.

Luke 2: 1, 4-5 – And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Cæsar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed. . . And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judah, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem. . .

Isaiah 9:6 – For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Luke 2: 6-7 – And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.  And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

 

The Book of Mormon prophets also foretold the coming of Jesus. 

1 Nephi 11: 14, 15 - And it came to pass that I saw the heavens open; and an angel came down and stood before me; and he said unto me: Nephi, what [do you see?]

And I said unto him: A virgin, most beautiful and fair above all other virgins.

Alma 7:10 -. . . he shall be born of Mary, . . . she being a virgin, a precious and chosen vessel, who shall be overshadowed and conceive by the power of the Holy Ghost, and bring for a son, yea, even the Son of God.

Hope of Israel

You can search for others at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

THE LION HAS ROARED

I love the Old Testament!  When I taught Gospel Doctrine class (several different times in several different wards) I really loved teaching Old Testament. While it is not always easy to understand, it does form the foundation for the entire story of God's dealing with His people, particularly Israel.  As such, I've been watching the Old Testament scripture discussions on BYUtv.  

Last week, they were discussing the Prophet Amos.  Amos prophesied from approximately 792 to 740 B.C. in the days of Uzziah, king of Judah, and Jeroboam, king of Israel. He was from a small town just south of Jerusalem in the Kingdom of Judah, but he was called as a prophet to the Kingdom of Israel.  Talk about your foreign missions!  It was a dangerous calling in a way because Israel and Judah were politically at odds.  Israel and Syria had formed an alliance to defy Assyria (the big bully on the block) and had asked Judah to join the alliance.  Uzziah had refused, so the allies had turned on Judah. But the Lord's patience was growing short. Amos wrote: Behold, I am pressed under you, as  cart is pressed that is full of sheaves (Amos 2: 13) - an ancient Hebrew way of God's saying "This is the last straw, Israel!"

Israel's time to destruction was short.  The Lord warned them again so that when calamity struck, they could not say, "But you didn't tell us this was going to happen!" That is the context in which Amos wrote: Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets. (Amos 3:7)

God wasn't keeping any secrets.  He wasn't whispering.  Amos wrote: The Lord will roar from Zion. . . (Amos 1: 2, emphasis added) He reminded Israel that they were His people and that He had blessed them above all the nations of the earth. They should be walking with Him, but they had turned away. Can two walk together, He said, except they agree? (Amos 3:2)

Amos then described that if a lion is roaring, there must be prey; if a bird is ensnared, there must have been food in the trap. Shall there be evil in a city, and the Lord hath not [known] it? (See Amos 2: 3-6)

God had spoken to his prophets.  They had warned Israel repeatedly to turn away from her sins and repent.  By the time Amos was teaching, the lion hath roared . . .. (Amos 3:8) He asks: "Why aren't you afraid?"

~ ~ ~

The lion has roared again. Prophets have warned of great tribulation if the people won't repent.  9-11 was a huge wake-up call.  This pandemic is a huge wake-up call.  All of the storms and fires and famine are wake-up calls.

America, are we awake yet?

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson November 2020

O, JERUSALEM; O, YE FAIR ONES; O, YE AMERICA - HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF

Have you ever had a dream that you knew was significant, but when you tried to tell someone else or, worse, write it down, it came out as confusing?  Whenever I read the Apostle John's remarkable Apocalyptic Revelation, I think about that. Just as Jesus taught in parables while He was alive, so He - as Jehovah - taught with symbolic visions.  

By stark comparison, the Book of Mormon has got to be one of the most plain and precious books ever written. I love the Book of Revelation and have done the spiritual work of seeking an understanding, but even the uninitiated can see the future played out before their eyes in the Book of Mormon.  The Jaredites and the Nephites are types and shadows of our nation - indeed the world - today. This artist's rendition of the last battle of Cumorah shows me he, too, made the comparison.

Studying the Book of Mormon has been difficult for me in many ways. Each chapter I read was as relevant as the latest political post on social media or on the morning news. I feel the depth of Mormon's sorrow as he said, "Oh, ye fair ones . . .;" just as Jesus once said, "Oh, Jerusalem, Jerusalem. . .." My heart often aches as I think, "Oh, America, America . . .!" 

The Lord of the Vineyard lamented, "What more could I have done. . .?" What more could He have done for this nation? There are only two nations in the history of the world that were founded on the principles of the Lord and with His power: Ancient Israel and America.  Israel failed Him and paid a terrible price at Samaria, Jerusalem, and Cumorah.  Will we also fail Him?  I pray with Paul, "God, forbid."

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson November 2020

LIVING IN THIS WICKED TIME or WHY I AM CHOOSING TO STAY ON FACEBOOK (for now)

I think it was Charles Dickens who said, "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times." That describes our day perfectly.  Satan's minions are flaunting and celebrating their evil spoils while the gospel is being preached and Israel gathered for the last time before the Savior comes again. But our times are not unique in that this battle between good and evil has been raging since before the creation of the world.

How do those who love the Lord and whose hearts are set on His righteousness act when surrounded by wickedness?  I think there are few better examples than the prophets, Mormon and Moroni. Mormon never knew peace and neither did his son.  They were born into war and wickedness, but they were called and set apart by Jesus Christ as His witnesses and historians to chronical that wicked time for the benefit of future generations.

I have always been moved by the words of Moroni. Even though my trials can't compare to Mormon's of Moroni's, I can relate to them because I, too, live in a world filled with evil and, because of my long widowhood, I have experienced what it feels like to be alone.

And now it came to pass that after the great and tremendous battle at Cumorah, behold, the Nephites who had escaped into the country southward were hunted by the Lamanites, until they were all destroyed.

And my father also was killed by them, and I even remain alone to write the sad tale of the destruction of my people. But behold, they are gone, and I fulfil the commandment of my father. And whether they will slay me, I know not.

Therefore I will write and hide up the records in the earth; and whither I go it mattereth not. (Mormon 8: 2-4)

Now I, Moroni, . . . had supposed not to have written more, but I have not as yet perished; and I make not myself known to the Lamanites lest they should destroy me.

For behold, their wars are exceedingly fierce among themselves; and because of their hatred they put to death every Nephite that will not deny the Christ.

And I, Moroni, will not deny the Christ; wherefore, I wander whithersoever I can for the safety of mine own life. (Moroni 1: 1-3)

I, too, will not deny the Christ.  Many of my family and friends are leaving Facebook because of their liberal censorship of all that is good, but I will stay there and continue to witness of Christ is word and picture.  If that offends the "politically correct" than let it offend them.  I will not deny the Christ, even by omission.

Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. (Mark 8: 34)

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson November 2020