NEW BEGINNINGS: HOW TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND IN SEVERAL, NOT-SO-EASY STEPS; #1 Honesty

A new year will soon be upon us, a time for traditional resolutions to improve oneself.  With the year we've all had, I don't think we should wait until January. Each week, I will post one of these not-so-easy steps together with a suggestion to do.  If we just think about it, but don't do anything about it, nothing will change. 

#1 HONESTY

Let’s face it: we all have our blind spots. Unfortunately, these can get in the way of our happiness.  If you want to be your best self, it will take some work.  The first step is HONESTY: admitting to yourself that there are some drastic changes needed in your life.

This chart is called the Johari Window.  It was created in 1955 by psychologists Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram. It is often used in self-help groups for people wanting to make their lives happier and more productive. I have used it in my counseling practice for years (although I originally thought Johari was a term used by an Indian guru!) The chart indicates areas of your life known to yourself and others, just to yourself, just to others, and unknown or subconscious.

The first quadrant is the open area. I try to spend a lot of time in this area because it is authentic and honest.

The second quadrant is the blind spot: things that others see in me that I don’t see in myself.

The third quarter is a façade or hidden self.  These are things I know about myself that I don’t share with anyone.

The final quarter is unknown to me or to others.  This quadrant is huge in so many people’s lives. This is the one that tends to get us in trouble. We perseverate dysfunctional behaviors because we don't understand from whence they come. It is difficult to improve on something we don't understand.

Here are some ways to use this matrix:

You can access the first box by being honest and transparent with others whenever appropriate.  Be selective here. Not everyone needs to know everything about you. But when you do choose to share, do so without guile or hypocrisy.

You access the second box by listening without becoming defensive to feedback from others.  Again, you don’t need to listen to everyone because each person has his/her own agenda, but you should listen to that handful of people who truly love you and have your best interest at heart.

The third is like a mask you wear.  Sometimes, wearing the mask is appropriate for self-protection.  The trick is knowing when to take it down. When I was working, my mask was “cheerful, competent Kathy.” Underneath was a lot of anger.  I had to take care when and how I dealt with the anger.

Most people feel that the unknown self is inaccessible.  I’m here to tell you that it is accessible: it is known to God. In order for you to profit from this knowledge, you need to work on a consistent and close relationship with Jesus Christ.  He will tell you what you need to know, when you need to know it, and how you need to hear it so that you can accept it.  He is incredibly patient and merciful and He won’t overload you all at once.  The few examples where He did so included Alma the Younger in the Book of Mormon; the Apostle Paul in the New Testament; and the prophet, Jonah in the Old Testament.

Things to do: Pray daily. Begin by being honest with yourself and others.  Be honest with God.  If you are prayerful – at least once a day – He can guide you by the Light of His spirit. Be prepared to hear things from yourself, others, and God that are difficult to hear. Difficult, even painful, but necessary for growth and joy. 

And if men come unto me, I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12: 27)

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson December 2020