NEW BEGINNINGS: HOW TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND IN SEVERAL, NOT-SO-EASY STEPS; #4 TRUE TO YOUSELF

TRUTH

One of the things I had to do when I was a principal was to evaluate each member of my staff.  I would begin by visiting them in their classrooms and observing the things they did.  I had one “planned” visit and several little “just dropping by for a minute” visits.  Afterward, I met with each person privately.  I began by telling them, in very specific and honest language, the good things I noticed. My tone was consistently encouraging. I’d then ask them to look at themselves and let me know what things they felt they wanted to work on to become and even more effective teacher.  Without exception, they each chose to work on something I had noticed, too.  Because the idea came from them and not me, it was not criticism.  It was a plan for improvement. I’d restate their plan to them, emphasizing those things I felt most important and wise.  I’d then ask how I could help them achieve their goals. During the semester, I’d watch, encourage, and support their efforts. Most teachers hate having a principal evaluation; mine staff loved it because it was positive and productive.

Shakespeare gave one of his characters this line: To thine own self be true and it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. Wise advice.

Before you begin your own self-evaluation, spend some time writing down on a separate piece of paper what you consider to be your values and principles that are important to you.  Then write the word VALUES vertically like a wall

V

A

L

U

E

S

 

 

 

 

 

                     When we confront our own VALUES, we have  choices.

1.      We can come up against the VALUES and, because they are there, refuse to violate them. (Picture an arrow going up to the line and stopping.)

2.      We can violate them, then turn around, repent, and go back to them because we feel awful about it. (Picture an arrow going past the line, then turning around.)

We can violate them and just keep on going, trying to bury our feelings alive and continuing to violate the VALUES over and over again. (Picture an arrow going past the values and just keep on going!)   

It is when we try to go every direction at once (having one foot in Babylon and one foot is Zion) that we find our lives completely out-of-focus.  It just doesn't work!

When we violate our core value system,  it creates the mental discomfort we call guilt and shame.  Guilt is productive because it says, “I did something wrong. I can repent and make a different choice next time.” Shame, on the other hand, is toxic.  It says, “I am wrong.  I am inherently flawed. I cannot change who I am.” The poison inherent in shame is that it is so uncomfortable, that the person often keeps doing what he is doing, pushing the shame deep inside. This is the exact opposite of what God wants us to do. It is no wonder that this person’s life becomes a mess!  People who violate their own core values (even if they no longer practice the value) must deal with the cognitive dissonance created by such action.  They can do so by repenting and bringing their behavior back in harmony with the value system.  If they don't do that, they will be in the untenable position of having to devalue the value system.  This is why Latter-day Saints and other Christians who leave the faith find that they can't leave the Church alone.

This challenge is for you to do a truthful and fearless self-inventory. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What have you done that is productive and good? What have you done that you feel you should not have done or what have you failed to do that you feel you should have done? You’ll want to look at your entire life: your personal life and relationships, your spiritual life, your financial life, your work life, your leisure life, your physical life and health.  I like to use a plus/delta like they do in business with plus indicating a strength and delta indicating an area that needs improvement.  Remember, God gives us our weaknesses and will make weak things strong in us when we acknowledge them and repent.

Grade yourself on how well you are doing in each area, with a 0 at the center of the circle for “not doing well at all” to a 10 at the edge of the circle for “I’m doing great.  I’m like Mary Poppins: practically perfect in every way.”

In addition to the above, keep doing what you have been doing. To do:

• ·       Continue to pray daily
• ·       Continue to read at least 1 verse of scripture every day
• ·       Continue to work on the one commandment revealed to you in step 3.

Godspeed!

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson January 2021