NEW BEGINNINGS: HOW TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND IN SEVERAL, NOT-SO-EASY STEPS; #5 CONFESSION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL

 Confession

In the last step, you made a fearless self-evaluation of your life.  That is a painful process.  I know, because I have done it.  But if you just acknowledge your mistakes to yourself, it’s like noting that you have an infected wound, but doing nothing to clean out the infection.  In that case, it will continue to fester and may become even worse.  The way to clean out the infection is to confess to yourself, to God, and to one other person the exact nature of your wrongdoings.  You should choose a person who is both spiritually and emotionally mature, who can listen with love, and help you work through things.  Some sins may need to be confessed to the proper priesthood authority.  If you proceed with your repentance, you’ll want to do that.  In the meantime, start with God and one other person. Use great care in choosing someone to whom to disclose your wrongs.  Do not share such sensitive information with someone you suspect who might give improper guidance, provide misinformation, or fail to keep your confidences.

Many years ago, my brother-in-law Charlie worked with a man who had developed a small cancer in his mouth from using chewing tobacco.  His dentist found the small white spot and wanted to schedule oral surgery to remove it.  The man looked at the spot, saw how small it was, and refused the surgery.  “Why would I let you cut up my mouth?” he asked. “It doesn’t even hurt.  If it starts hurting, then I’ll talk to you about it.”  Weeks went by.  Eventually, the man’s mouth began to hurt and the white patches had spread.  He went back to the oral surgeon and said, “OK, I’m ready now.” The surgeon took one look and ran some tests of the man’s lymph nodes.  “I’m sorry,” the doctor said, “but all I can do is keep you comfortable while you die.” The cancer by then had spread throughout the man’s body through his lymphatic system. He didn’t live much longer as it had reached his brain.

This is a true story.  When we think of the word repent, we are often put off because we know there will be pain involved just as the man was afraid of the pain of surgery.  But consider the alternative.  Sin is a moral cancer.  When you become serious about ridding yourself of the burden, confession is the first step outside of the privacy of your own mind and heart.  It has the same effect of disinfecting a physical wound, removing sin from a splinter to a cancer, and applying a healing balm.  If it is sincere, you will ultimately feel God’s forgiveness.  Though your sins be as scarlet, they can be white as snow” wrote the Prophet Isaiah. Remember: your sins are what you did; they are not who you are!

Brigham Young cautioned Latter-day Saints not to confess sins unnecessarily.  Some people go over and over their mistakes like a person poking his tongue in a socket of a tooth that has been pulled.  That doesn’t heal the tooth; it only keeps it raw and bleeding so that it is slow to heal.  These people continually rehearse their faults, but never seem to find peace.  Peace in Christ is the ultimate goal. 

The Lord told the Prophet Joseph, I, the Lord, forgive sins unto those who confess their sins before me and ask forgiveness. (Doctrine and Covenants 64: 7) How can you have the courage to make such a confession?  Begin keeping a private journal and write in it regularly, at least once a week.  Take time to look into your own heart. Confess your sins as soon as you recognize them.  Don’t allow them to build and fester as you have done in the past. Don’t worry about where you stand with other people.  Be more concerned with where you stand with God.

To Do:

·       Continue to pray and read a scripture verse every day.

·       Continue to work on keeping the commandments, especially the one God revealed to you.

Write in your journal regularly

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson January 2021                          

THINK BEFORE YOU ACT!

I had  phone call Thursday night of a sobbing grandson who lives with his wife and children in Salt Lake City.  He had just been to a training for a program he's hoping to be part of.  He was gone a short while.  When he came home, he found a 3-day eviction notice on the door of the home he has rented for over 3 years.  

As the story unfolded, apparently a neighbor called animal control about his 6 month old puppy.  The puppy, when he is let out to relieve himself, often refuses to come back in.  The family has gone through 3 leashes which the dog always manages to destroy.  

One of his neighbors who in the past has demonstrated a dislike for the dog, called the animal control and told them the dog was being abused and mistreated, being left out in the cold SLC weather (none of which is true, by the way.) 

Animal control called the rental agency (who also rents this neighbor's home to him).  The rental agency responded by giving an eviction order to my grandson and his family (dated that day and counting from that day, but delivered at 6:30 PM!)

So this neighbor who claimed to be worried about a dog being out in the winter cold set into motion a process that would end up with my 3 great-granddaughters being homeless outside in the winter snow!

Lots of prayers later, it looks like they can keep their home if they get rid of the dog.  This dog is an emotional support animal that helps my grandson deal with his severe clinical depression (for which he has been getting help for years.) He and his children are devastated, but if the only alternative is that or being homeless, the dog will go. What a traumatic event that need not have happened!

Sometimes, we rationalize that we are doing "the right thing" for the "right reason." In this case, the right thing would have been for the neighbor to talk to my grandson, express his concerns, and come up with a solution.  This neighbor who claimed to be "worried" about the dog was, in my opinion, just using that as an excuse for punishing a family whose dog he dislikes.  He obviously didn't stop and think of the end result of his action. 

Years ago on Sesame Street, they did a bit for children that went "If I stick this pin in this balloon and it pops . . . " and then it explored a series of possible consequences.  We adults need to do that! We don't think.  We lash out, sometimes on social media and sometimes in person, and create havoc and hatred with every word we spew.

THINK BEFORE YOU ACT! THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! SPEAK BEFORE YOU VENT YOUR SPLEEN ON YOUR PHONE OR KEYBOARD.  THINK! ! ! Then read Matthew 22:39

PRAYING FOR A MIRACLE

 

NEW BEGINNINGS: HOW TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND IN SEVERAL, NOT-SO-EASY STEPS; #4 TRUE TO YOUSELF

TRUTH

One of the things I had to do when I was a principal was to evaluate each member of my staff.  I would begin by visiting them in their classrooms and observing the things they did.  I had one “planned” visit and several little “just dropping by for a minute” visits.  Afterward, I met with each person privately.  I began by telling them, in very specific and honest language, the good things I noticed. My tone was consistently encouraging. I’d then ask them to look at themselves and let me know what things they felt they wanted to work on to become and even more effective teacher.  Without exception, they each chose to work on something I had noticed, too.  Because the idea came from them and not me, it was not criticism.  It was a plan for improvement. I’d restate their plan to them, emphasizing those things I felt most important and wise.  I’d then ask how I could help them achieve their goals. During the semester, I’d watch, encourage, and support their efforts. Most teachers hate having a principal evaluation; mine staff loved it because it was positive and productive.

Shakespeare gave one of his characters this line: To thine own self be true and it must follow as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. Wise advice.

Before you begin your own self-evaluation, spend some time writing down on a separate piece of paper what you consider to be your values and principles that are important to you.  Then write the word VALUES vertically like a wall

V

A

L

U

E

S

 

 

 

 

 

                     When we confront our own VALUES, we have  choices.

1.      We can come up against the VALUES and, because they are there, refuse to violate them. (Picture an arrow going up to the line and stopping.)

2.      We can violate them, then turn around, repent, and go back to them because we feel awful about it. (Picture an arrow going past the line, then turning around.)

We can violate them and just keep on going, trying to bury our feelings alive and continuing to violate the VALUES over and over again. (Picture an arrow going past the values and just keep on going!)   

It is when we try to go every direction at once (having one foot in Babylon and one foot is Zion) that we find our lives completely out-of-focus.  It just doesn't work!

When we violate our core value system,  it creates the mental discomfort we call guilt and shame.  Guilt is productive because it says, “I did something wrong. I can repent and make a different choice next time.” Shame, on the other hand, is toxic.  It says, “I am wrong.  I am inherently flawed. I cannot change who I am.” The poison inherent in shame is that it is so uncomfortable, that the person often keeps doing what he is doing, pushing the shame deep inside. This is the exact opposite of what God wants us to do. It is no wonder that this person’s life becomes a mess!  People who violate their own core values (even if they no longer practice the value) must deal with the cognitive dissonance created by such action.  They can do so by repenting and bringing their behavior back in harmony with the value system.  If they don't do that, they will be in the untenable position of having to devalue the value system.  This is why Latter-day Saints and other Christians who leave the faith find that they can't leave the Church alone.

This challenge is for you to do a truthful and fearless self-inventory. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What have you done that is productive and good? What have you done that you feel you should not have done or what have you failed to do that you feel you should have done? You’ll want to look at your entire life: your personal life and relationships, your spiritual life, your financial life, your work life, your leisure life, your physical life and health.  I like to use a plus/delta like they do in business with plus indicating a strength and delta indicating an area that needs improvement.  Remember, God gives us our weaknesses and will make weak things strong in us when we acknowledge them and repent.

Grade yourself on how well you are doing in each area, with a 0 at the center of the circle for “not doing well at all” to a 10 at the edge of the circle for “I’m doing great.  I’m like Mary Poppins: practically perfect in every way.”

In addition to the above, keep doing what you have been doing. To do:

• ·       Continue to pray daily
• ·       Continue to read at least 1 verse of scripture every day
• ·       Continue to work on the one commandment revealed to you in step 3.

Godspeed!

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson January 2021

NEW BEGINNINGS: HOW TO TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND IN SEVERAL, NOT-SO-EASY STEPS; #3 Trust in God

 TRUST IN GOD

Some years ago, I was teaching a marriage enrichment class for my church.  I invited some friends so that I would have a few familiar faces in the audience.  One of my friends told me that she would take the class, but her husband wouldn’t because, as he put it, “We’re not broken.”  Another friend happened to be passing by and heard her.  She smiled and said, “Oh, but Sister, we’re all a little broken.”

All of us are a little broken, some more than others.  When we know we have no one to blame for our mess except ourselves, we often lose faith, not just in ourselves, but in God as well. “Why,” we ask, “would the God who created the Universe be interested in helping me when the mess I am in is my own fault?” God Himself told Moses: For behold, this is my work and my glory – to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.  (Moses 1:30) You are His work. You are His glory. You matter to Him. We may not have the strength alone to "fix" our own brokenness.  But He can, and will.

You are not the first to ask “Why?” King David wrote: When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars which thou has ordained; What is man, that thou are mindful of him?. . For thou has made him a little lower than the angels . . . (Psalm 8: 3-5) I understand that the original Hebrew text reads thou has made him a little lower than the gods. What a powerful testimony of how much you and I mean to Him!

We can learn to trust that God can. Remember the unknown, subconscious area God can help us access (Step #1)? Remember that God shows us our weaknesses so that we can repent and He can make weak things strong in us (Step #2) Trusting that God can do both of these things constitutes Step #3.

In the first step, I asked that you take an honest look at your life.  We can’t ask Him to fix us if we don’t recognize that we are broken and in serious need of fixing. In the next step, I asked that you have hope in His ability to save.  Now, I am asking that you put your own will and pride aside and ask Him to take charge. 

The way I worded it was to say, “God, I am unhappy and I don’t even know what questions to ask, much less know any answers.  Please, read my heart.” And He did.

I love this little prayer I found online. That says it all.  The surrender is the surrender of self, of will, of pride.  It is saying Thy will be done and meaning it. Then, when you have prayed yourself empty, as it were, be still and listen and know that He is God.  Let Him fill you back up with the answers you haven’t got.

When I said my prayer of submission, I listened.  The impression I received seemed on the surface to have nothing to do with what was troubling my heart. Nevertheless, I followed and did what I was impressed to do. I was asked to live a particular commandment 100 percent, nothing wavering.  No more half-way gestures.  Just complete obedience.  In so doing, I found that he was able to do far more with my life than what I was doing on my own.  In so doing, my life was changed.  I’m not going to tell you which single concrete thing you should choose to do 100 percent.  We are not all weak in the same things.  What God told me in answer to my prayer might be very different from what He will tell you. But once He tells you, have the faith to commit to doing it without wavering. Do so consistently, even if things don’t seem to be changing.  Trusting God also means trusting His timing. We show our trust and our faith by the way we live. Here are some steps that may help.

Things to do for this week:

• Continue to pray every day. 
• Continue to read at least one verse of scripture every day. (You might want to look in the concordance and find scriptures that related specifically to Jesus Christ.)
• Move forward with obedience to live the one specific commandment God has impressed upon your heart until keeping that commandment becomes natural.

    May God  bless and keep you on your journey.

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson January 2021

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