WOULD YOU LISTEN? WOULD YOU OBEY?

If you received a text tomorrow that said: "Adam is coming to address his children on Saturday," would you go? 

If Enoch invited you to join his people in Zion, would you listen?

If Noah warned that the world would be destroyed if the people didn't return to God, would you repent and get on the ark?

Would I find blood on your door posts and lintels after a visit with Moses? Would you look upon the brazen serpent?

Since the beginning of time, God has called good men as prophets to carry His word to the people. A sincere reading of the Bible and the Book of Mormon will teach that while a few people listened, most did not.  Many readers say to themselves, "Were I there, I would listen and obey."  But would they? Would you?

200 years ago, a young boy prayed to understand what God wanted of him.  He prayer was answered in a most astonishing way.  Joseph Smith listened and he obeyed.  Through him, the Church of Jesus Christ was restored in its fullness upon the earth.  He, like others before him, was a prophet of God.

Since that time, they has been an unbroken line of priesthood authority leading and guiding Christ's Church.  Today, we have 15 apostles and prophets doing just that.  This weekend, we have the opportunity to hear God's word through them.

Will we listen?  Will be obey?  

WATCHMEN ON THE TOWER

Last Saturday, I wrote a post about Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.  It is the first of the sacred fall feasts of Israel.  It is sometimes called the Feast of the Trumpets because it is heralded in by the blowing of the Shofar, the rams horn trumpet. The blowing of the Shofar ushered in the fall holy days.  It also sounded a warning to Israel to return to her God.

The Prophet Ezekiel wrote of the Lord placing watchmen upon the tower (Ezekiel 33: 1-7).  Because of his higher elevation on the tower, the watchman could see the danger afar off, long before anyone living in the city was aware.  When he saw the enemy approaching, he sounded the alarm by blowing on the Shofar.

The Feast of the Trumpets sounds as a warning to Israel that they need to prepare.  They need to look into their own souls for any thought, word, or behavior that is out of line with the will of the Lord.  Rosh Hashanah then ushers in the 10 Days of Awe; a time of repentance and turning, away from the world and toward God.

This feast of Israel is of special significance to the founding of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. After four years of waiting, on September 21, 1827, the ancient prophet Moroni allowed the Prophet Joseph Smith to take possession of the Gold Plates.  That year, September 21 marked the beginning of Rosh Hashanah. A new watchman had been called to the tower and his receiving God's word fell as observant Jews around the world were sounding the warning on the Shofar: repent and prepare for Yom Kippur - the Day of Atonement.  Joseph's calling, and that of latter-day prophets who follow him, is the same: repent.  We are to prepare for the Second Coming of He who gave His life in the Ultimate Day of Atonement.

Moroni and Rosh Hashanah

This year, Yom Kippur falls on Monday, September 27. Five days later, on October 3 and 4, Latter-day Saints and others have the opportunity to hear fifteen modern Watchmen on the Tower.  General Conference in April was one such as had never been before.  I have faith that this October Conference will likewise be of utmost important.  

We have all seen the signs.  We know the fate of this nation and the world will be impacted by what happens in America on November 3,  2020.  Let us listen to our called and anointed Watchmen on the Tower and heed their words.  Let us strengthen our relationships with Jesus Christ.  Let us renew our faith.  Let us take stock and repent of anything out of harmony with God's teachings.  Let us seek to more fully align our wills with God's. In so doing, let us pay strict heed to Gods apostles and prophets.  Let us pray for our nation.

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson September 2020

ACCOMPLISHMENT

Started a new book today.

Went from reading them to writing them.

Now my brain is working, I can write again

Yay me!

A CHANCE FOR A NEW BEGINNING

Rosh Hashanah marks the beginning of the Jewish New Year.  This year, it falls on this weekend: beginning at sundown on Friday the 18th and ending at sundown on Sunday the 20th. It is celebrated as one long day - 48 hours. It is important to Israel because it begins the Days of Awe in which devote Jews are to reflect on their lives and repent of their sins.  At the end of that time (this year on September 27) will be Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement; the most holy day on the Jewish calendar.

Unlike the Gentile New Year, which has become a day of debauchery for many, Rosh Hashanah is a time for family, prayers, reading from the Torah both mornings of Rosh Hashanah.  Faithful Jews also blow the shofar,  a trumpet made of a rams horn the significance of which is a symbol of the Lord providing a ram in the thicket for Abraham to offer in lieu of his son, Isaac's, life. Special prayers are given each evening with the lighting of candles to symbolize the sincerity of the individual's repentance.

To a Christian such as I, the connection to Jesus Christ is clear.  When Abraham was asked to sacrifice the life of his son, he didn't understand.  But, nevertheless, he obeyed.  He and Isaac traveled quite a distance to the top of a specific hill designated by the Lord.  There, Abraham built an altar and prepared wood for a sacrificial fire.  He bound his son, preparatory to placing him on the altar. Isaac said to his father, "I see the altar and I see the wood, but where is the lamb?" Abraham answered "God will provide Himself a lamb."

However, before he could sacrifice his son, an angel intervened.  He delivered God's message to Abraham that he should not slay his son.  He proved the Lord that he was willing to give his son and that was sufficient. 

The Bible doesn't explain the reasoning very well, but the Prophet Jacob in the Book of Mormon does.  He states that it was accounted unto Abraham in the wilderness to be obedient unto the commands of God in offering up his son Isaac, which is in the similitude of God and his Only Begotten Son. (Jacob 4:5) Abraham told Isaac that God would provide himself a lamb.  Many think that refers to the ram caught in the thicket.  It doesn't.  A ram is not a lamb.  Look closely at the wording.  It doesn't say, God himself will provide a lamb. It says, God will provide Himself a lamb.

God Himself was that lamb.  John the Baptist called Him The Lamb of God and so He is.  Israel in Egypt sacrificed a lamb and painted its blood on the doorposts and lintels of their door.  They stayed inside their homes the night the angel of death came and it passed them buy because of the blood of the lamb. On the hill where Abraham prepared his sacrifice, millennia later, the Lamb of God became the ultimate sacrifice that we might by saved by the blood of the Lamb.

Even though we are of the Latter-day House of Israel and even though we no longer celebrate Rosh Hashanah, I think it would behoove us to take this time to ponder our own standing before God.  How sincere is our personal repentance? How closely have we aligned out will to His, as did Abraham? As one General Authority challenged, do we ask Him, "What lack I yet?" Every time I have asked that in prayer, He has answered, line-upon-line. 

God has provided Himself the Lamb.  Am I wise enough to have faith and repent and endure to the end that I might be saved by His blood? That is my heartfelt desire.

To all of my Jewish friends, have a blessed New Year.  May it be a sweet as apples dipped in honey.

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson September 2020

PROMISED DESTRUCTION

When  Samuel the Lamanite Prophet spoke of Christ's coming birth, he promised light - a day and a night and a day with no darkness - and a new star; good tidings of great joy.  When he spoke of Christ's death, he foretold complete and palpable darkness, accompanied by great destruction and much sorrow.  8th and 9th chapters of the Book of 3 Nephi, we read of the literal fulfillment of this destruction and sorrow.

Here are a few excerpts of what occurred:

• A great storm, such as never before seen
• Thunder and lightening with no rain
• Shaking of the earth
• Zarahemla, burned
• Moroni sunk into the sea
• Moronihah covered by a great mountain of earth
• Tempests
• Whirlwinds that carried people away, never to be heard of again
• 
  In this diagram, you can see how a volcanic eruptions can bring down earth upon a city such as Moronihah and cause a tsunami to sink another city, such as Moroni, into the sea.  Volcanic "bombs" are quick to cause fire and devastation on areas such as Zarahemla. The great volcano on the island of the Minoans in 1600 B.C. likely accounts for Plato's tale of Atlantis sinking into the sea. Some think these seismic events may have triggered Egypt's 10 plagues.

• Level roads broken up and smooth places made rough
• Buildings of cities falling to the earth, killing people and leaving the city desolate
• Cities that were not totally destroyed were damaged almost beyond recognition
• Entire geographical region was deformed
• Broken rocks found everywhere, and seams and cracks upon all the face of the land

These things lasted about the space of three hours or more.  Earthquakes don't last that long.  But earthquake storms do and volcanic eruptions do.  After everything quieted, there was a darkness so vaporous that it could be felt; fires could not be kindled; stars, moon, and sun could not be seen for three days.

The Heart of Timpanogos

I once hiked to the cave in Mt. Timpanogos with my family.  When they turned off the lights, I experienced absolute darkness for the first and only time in my life.  I lifted my hand in front of my face and could not see it.  The Book of Mormon tells us that during the darkness following the destruction that there was great mourning and howling and weeping among the people continuously.  (v. 8:23)  I can well imagine.  

Do we have physical evidence that any of that happened in the Americas around 33-34 A.D.? In at least one place, we do, according to geologists and other scholars.  Their understanding comes from the science of plate tectonics.

After the death of my second husband, I did what I often do when grieving, I took a college class.  In this case, I took two, including one in the science of geology. One of the most interesting things I learned was the concept of plate tectonics.  According to this theory, developed only in the 1960s, the crust of the earth is not one solid piece but a group of plates that move with the movement of the heat of the magma beneath them.  Because of this, they are prone to collide with each other. When that happens, one of two things happen: they pull away from each other; one will pass under the other; they will slide back and forth in opposite directions.  This is called a strike-slip fault. This simple diagram shows the differences among these three types of faults.

You can see from the map that there are several places on earth where the area is honeycombed with strike-slip faults.  One of these is in Central America where the Caribbean plate interacts with the Cocos plate, the Nazca plate, and the North and South American plates. This part of the world is a disaster waiting to happen. Do we have a similar strike-slip fault today?  

We do. San Andreas.  Makes me wonder if these fires in California, Washington, and Oregon are a foreboding warning of other possibilities? 

If they are a warning, what would God tell American's to do to avert disaster? The same thing He told the Nephites:

Therefore, whoso repenteth and cometh unto me as a little child, him will I receive, for of such is the kingdom of God. . . . therefore repent, and come unto me ye ends of the earth, and be saved. 

Is anybody listening? Too many have lost, not only the Spirit, but the innate Light of Christ.  It stops their eyes so they can't see and their ears that they can't hear.

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson September 2020

WHAT WOULD I SAY?

This week in our Come Follow Me curriculum is the study of the destruction in the New World at Christ's crucifixion and His ultimate visit to the Nephites who were spared. I love the site Book of Mormon Central for getting insights into the week's scriptures that may not have occurred to me. 

This morning, I watched a presentation called One-by-One from Book of Mormon Central.  One of the presenters (Taylor) described the moment when Jesus invited the people to come to Him one at a time and feel the nail prints in His hands and feet.  He asked that If you were there, what would you say to Him?" Of all the possibilities - I love you, thank you, the one that came first to my mind was Forgive me!

I immediately began to second guess myself (I do that a lot!) but even as I sat with it for awhile, I truly believe that is what I would say - that is, if I could actually say anything being so overwhelmed by emotion and awe.  Forgive me!

Taylor then mentioned that the scripture says that the crowd said "Hosanna." We use Hosanna a lot, most notably in the Hosanna Shout in our most solemn assemblies.  The crowd in Jerusalem also shouted hosanna when Jesus entered the city on what we now call Palm Sunday.  What does hosanna mean?

Tyler (the other presenter) is a language exert and Hebrew scholar.  He pointed out that the word comes from two Hebrew roots:

hosa or hosea, which is an actual root from which Jesus' name (Jesua) is derived.

na means, among other things, save.  

That says to me that hosanna means Jesus save me!" 

I was right on target all along.

What would His answer be to me? I think it would be: "I already have."

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson September 2020

SEPTEMBER 12 - A DAY THAT SHOULD LIVE IN OUR MEMORIES

Nineteen years ago yesterday, America received a wake-up call it had not experienced since Pearl Harbor. The 1941 attack resulted in awakening a sleeping tiger and the Greatest Generation answered and saved the world from indisputable evil.  In 2001, we woke up also, but to our own vulnerability. 

Nineteen years ago today, I had hope that we had a new generation who would rise to the call and save the world from wanton destruction and terror. It didn't.  Brian Mast responded what he witnessed on 9/11/01.  Later, he wrote for Fox News:

That morning after the terrorist attacks we all woke up unified as Americans — no matter the color of our skin or where we worshipped, what city we lived in, or how much money we had. Out of the darkness of 9/11 came a bright moment of clarity and unity on 9/12 that we must never forget.

So if on Sept. 11 we remember the heroism so many displayed, on Sept. 12 we should strive to emulate it and rediscover that unity we once knew.

Brave men and women of our military, law enforcement, first responders and countless others gave their lives on 9/11 and in the years after so that all Americans could wake up each morning free from threat. They died so the rest of us could wake up with the opportunity to pursue our dreams and strive to be the best version of ourselves.

We cannot hope to repay these heroes for what they’ve done. We can only ask: What would those who died ask of us?

Nineteen years ago today, I would like to ask that same question: What would those who died ask of us?

I think they would ask us to remember the unity of 9/12 and compare it to the civil unrest (war?) going on to divide us today.  

I think they would ask us to remember the courage of those heroes on Flight 93 who sacrificed their lives - knowing well that losing their lives is what it would cost them - to fight back and bring down the plane before it would reach Washington, D.C. and it's target.  Then we should compare it to the cowardice of groups such as Antifa and BLM whose response to one event became their excuse to murder, riot, plunder and destroy. They chant "death to America" and destroy the innocent in the rage and hatred.

I think they would ask us to remember the iconic picture of the American flag being raised by New York firefighters atop the ruins reminiscent of U.S. Marines raising the flag on Iwo Jima.  Then compare that to pictures of  rioters torching, destroying, killing, and chanting "Death to America" because of the death of one man in questionable circumstances that was certainly no Pearl Harbor.

I think they would ask us to remember pictures in the media of the hundreds of people of all races, religions, and political parties, lined up to donate blood at blood banks across America and compare that to daily (inflated) COVID numbers that have created a panic mentality that has shut down this nation and many others. Look at pictures of thousands of Americans in their masks.  Are they being medically correct or politically correct?  

Several years ago, I read a fascinating book that was written by a Messianic Jew named Jonathon Cahn.  The Harbinger compares the events of 9/11 to parallel events just prior to the destruction of the Kingdom of Israel. The book is a novel, but makes compelling argument that we are declaring our doom by ignoring the divine warning of 9/11.  He bases the book on the response from Israel in Isaiah 9:10: The bricks are fallen down, but we will rebuild with hewn stones: the sycamores are cut down, but we will change them to cedars. 

Representative John Edwards, then a candidate for Vice President, quoted this scripture in the nation's capital on 9/11/04.  So did at least a dozen other people in high places in the weeks, months, and years following 9/11.  In so doing, they inadvertently linked America to ancient Israel and, according to Cahn, to Israel's fate. What these people forgot was the 9th verse of that same chapter that the inhabitants of Israel say in the pride and stoutness of heart.  This wasn't a cry of victory but an angry and defiant shout of pride and arrogance.

Were the event of 9/11 a wake-up call for America?  I feel confident that they were.  Did we listen? No. Just like the people of Isaiah's day, we allowed our pride in our own invulnerability to blind us to our vulnerability without God.  We have broken our part of the American covenant. We have turned God out of our homes, our schools, our places of business, and our government. How can we ask God to bless America when America has rejected Him?

Is God still trying to get through to us?  I bear testimony that He is: pestilence, plagues of locust, out-of-control fires, volcanos, earthquakes, tornados, and hurricanes in addition to rampant sin and human depravity.  Yet we are still arrogant and drenched in sin. Those of us who are still trying to keep have a responsibility to pray for America and her leaders who are trying to preserve this nation, the past free place on earth and a land choice above all other lands.

I promise to do so.  Will you?

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson September 2020

A PREVIEW FOR CHRIST'S SECOND COMING

If someone wanted to view a template of what to expect just prior to Jesus' Second Coming, he could find no better source than 3 Nephi in the Book of Mormon.  The events leading up to His first coming among the Nephites have such parallels to what is happening today, that it is almost chilling to read them.

Here are some of the similarities I've noticed:

Political Assassinations - the chief judge is murdered by his own brother.  I believe we still have politically motivated killings - even since Kennedy, King, and Kennedy and today, they are just kept hidden by our 21st Century secret combinations.  We also have the assassination of character of good men at the hands of those who disagree.  It is hard to believe that hatred of one man would lead an entire party of Americans to this. I won't name names, but then, if you are awake to the danger, I don't need to.  You already know them.

Gadiantons in High Places - There is an old saying that the fox is in charge of the henhouse today. That was true then and it is true now.   Back in 1944, Apostle John A. Widsoe stated his feelings that these people are loose among us today and running our government. They are truly destroying what we cherish, our homes and families, our faith and religion, our freedom and inalienable rights. We need a Captain Moroni.

Slippery Riches

"Slippery" Riches - Just before Christ came and again, 200 hundred years after He came, the Nephites were do wicked that dishonesty ran rampant.  A man could not set down his sword or he would find it gone the next time he looked. Not only to we have vandalism, destruction, outright thievery today, we have people bent on trashing out economy for political purposes.  For all of the small businesses destroyed by rioters, how many were destroyed by the economic shutdown?  How many lost money on stocks or bonds? How many lost everything they own through identity theft? How many people have lost their jobs, which were the source of their income?  'Nuff said.

Pride, Arrogance, Wealth, and Wanton Wickedness - Nephi expressed his sorrow and disappointment that it seems as if, as soon as the Nephites were blessed by God, they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One . . . Yea, how quick to be lifted up in pride; yea, how quick to boast, and do all manner of iniquity; (Helaman 12: 2, 5)

There are so many examples of this, I haven't the time or energy to count them, much less name them.  I'd simply note that if you want to see the value of our nation, watch celebrities on the Red Carpet wearing clothing and jewels that would feed a third world nation, those same celebrities who then lecture us on the inequality of wealth and give counsel designed to lead us into socialism.  Again, 'nuff said.

I used to think "how could they fall so fast when they knew so much and had been blessed so abundantly?  I don't ask that anymore.  I see it every day in the media as truth is called lies and lies are called truth, when a man is made an offender for a word, when things that would not have even been questioned a generation ago are not accepted to the point that it is ludicrous in my mind.  What is gender? Can you choose your gender? If you are a male who identifies as a female, can you participate in women's sports? What is marriage? What is a family? What is sex, other than another "fun", gymnastic event.

In the words of Joshua, "I know not what others may do but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." I hope it will somehow be enough.

The Speed of the Nephite Fall

The Gadiantons mocked the Savior and His sacrifice by wearing lambskin and painting themselves with blood.  Did they know what they were doing?  I personally think so because they knew the Law of Moses re: blood sacrifice, even if they weren't living it.

Gadiantons Mock Christ by Wearing Lambskins Dipped in Blood

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson September 2020

CHRIST-CENTERED PLAN OF SALVATION

This week's reading encompasses the prophecies of Samuel the Lamanite. When the Savior appeared in America several years later, He instructed the Nephite record-keepers to go back and include Samuel's prophecies regarding death and resurrection. This section is so important because it teaches a Christ-centered way God's Plan of Happiness/Redemption/Salvation.

When we think of Father's Plan, we usually picture something like this:

How many times have you seen this, or something similar, on a chalkboard in a Church lesson?  Brothers Tyler and Tanner (Book of Mormon Central) describe this as a "geographical representation" of the plan.  A much better representation is one that deals with our states of being in relationship to the Savior's atonement. 

This link to Book of Mormon Central covers this representation in the last half of the clip.

Samuel the Lamanite 

This idea is represented by this graphic:

When I was a child in Primary singing "Dearest Children," I took one verse literally: Dearest children, Holy Angels, watch your actions night and day, and they keep a faithful record of the good and bad you say. Cherish virtue!  

That was misleading to a young child who was still in the concrete thinking stage of cognitive development.  The picture I saw in my mind is of the angels keeping a tally sheet: 49 sins and I can still go to Heaven; 51 sins and I'm consigned to hell.  As a 7-year-old, I literally had nightmares of Satan locking me in a glass cage while all around me (including me) was burned alive!  Talk about terror! 

Since then, I have come to understand that God and His angels don't keep a tally sheet.  Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow, wrote the Prophet Isaiah. Through the Savior's atonement, I can be forgiven.  He is not interested in where I have been so much as He is interested in where I am now and where I am going.  The sum total of my life will be the person I have become in the end. 

My dad had this album and I played it many times as a child.  There is a song on there where a man is facing an horrific final judgement similar to my nightmare.  He sings, "I stole some bricks when I was six and I'm afraid to die." That is how children (and some spiritually immature adults) see God: as the punisher with the flail and not the shepherd with the crook, like some modern version of the Egyptian god, Osiris. That is not my God!

In the words of modern Apostle, Jeffrey R. Holland:

© Kathleen Rawlings Buntin Danielson September 2020

TMI?

Most of my readers know that I have suffered the symptoms of balance and walking issues, falling, depression, personality changes, and loss of cognitive function.  I saw a dozen doctors over a period of at least 4 years with no results.  Finally, this year, I went to a new neurologist who looked at an old brain scan (taken by MRI 18 months earlier) and saw what previous doctors (even a neurologist) missed: enlarged ventricles in my brain.

The first question he asked seemed bizarre to me: "Are you incontinent?" That is a very personal and embarrassing question and I didn't want to answer him, but I did.  It was then that I learned that this physical condition is one of a triad of symptoms of a brain disorder more common in the elderly: Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus. It is happens when there is a buildup in the brain of excess cerebral/spinal fluid.  As the ventricles become engorged, they put significant pressure on the brain from the inside. If untreated, it can lead to dementia.

I have always felt very grateful to have the cognitive function, memory, and thinking abilities I possess.  Then, I started to lose them.  

The first to go was my emotional stability.  I lost my best friend in 2016 and by 2017 I was plunged into the abyss of a depression worse than any I have ever experienced. It was so severe that I literally lost my will to live.  My family didn't know what to do.  I was either sobbing uncontrollably or raging angry all the time. I knew God was there because of my faith in Him, but it was difficult to feel the Spirit, my main source of comfort and understanding in the past.

I had also begun to fall (probably since 2014) and I was forever banging up the sides of my car trying to park in the garage.  It finally got to the point that my car spent more time in the body shop than it did at my home. My kids wanted me to stop driving, but that was my main link to independence. (This is not my car, but it is an example of the damage I kept inflicting.)

In January, 2017, after a bad fall in the bathtub, I called my son, Shawn - who lived in Texas - and asked if he and his wife, Retta, would consider moving back to Arizona to live with me.  I felt unsafe living alone anymore.  I had a little money from the sale of my Snowflake home and proposed that we buy a large home together with a separate apartment for me.  I would make the down payment and they would make the monthly payments. He spoke to Retta and they agreed.  Retta flew to Arizona just a week or so later and we went house hunting.  We found a home that would work in Gold Canyon, AZ and bought it.  By April 1, we moved.  Shawn joined us shortly after that.

I noticed the severe emotional changes immediately.  I also noted the struggle I had to walk and keep my balance.  Next, I notice my cognitive function slipping.  I was asked to speak in Sacrament meeting in the summer of 2018.  I have always been a competent public speaker and never wrote out my talk. I'd use very brief notes.  On this occasion, I lost my place; I reached for words I had known and used for years and they weren't there.  I stammered and stumbled  It was an awful experience.  People in my new ward had never heard me speak before.  I'm sure they thought this poor bumbling old woman had lost it.  I've never been asked to speak since, nor have a had a church calling in that ward.

I had been working out at a local gym.  I'd lost 30 pounds and was in the best physical shape I had been in years.  That same summer, I began to notice that my workouts were more trying than they had been.  If often couldn't finish a set.  I also started to lose my balance in the water during exercise class in the pool.  On one occasion, I was so off balance that I couldn't get my feet under me.  I was terrified.  I thought I was going to drown.  Meanwhile, the course instructor just kept droning on and didn't even notice I was struggling.  I was at the back of the class so others didn't notice either.  I finally made so much noise splashing, that one lady turned around, said, "Oh, my goodness!" and helped me get to the side of the pool.  I never went back.

Labor Day weekend, 2018, I experienced my first severe attack of vertigo.  The room spun around me and I thought I was dying. That same night (Friday) I had vertigo while lying flat in bed - wave after wave of it.  I woke my son at 1:00 A.M. and he took me to the E.R.  Thus began my fruitless almost two year search for answers.

Things went from bad to worse.  I developed double vision and blurry vision, uncontrolled coughing, headaches, hearing loss and loss of fine motor skills.  My short term memory was the pits!  I finally realized I could no longer drive safely and I got rid of my car and my driver's license (which made my children happy.) I spent most of my time in bed or in my recliner.  I couldn't read, write comfortably on my computer, eat without spilling, cook or bake, draw, write, or do any of the things I used to do. Even my antidepressants didn't help. I had a complete emotional breakdown in 2017 and was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD.  I had been in counseling since then (and I still talk to my counselor once a month.)

In 2020 I was finally diagnosed.  In July, they performed a lumbar puncture and removed almost a liter of spinal fluid.  Within an hour I was walking and balancing better than I had in 5 years. The doctor recommended surgery to implant a shunt to drain the excess fluid. The procedure wasn't enjoyable, but the freedom I felt afterward was exhilarating.  The doctor recommended surgery

On August 12, 2020, I had surgery to implant a shunt into my brain to relieve pressure from too much cranial/spinal fluid. They made an incision behind and below my right ear and drilled a small hole in my skull.  They implanted a small computer with a catheter going to the shunt in my brain.  They also made an incision in my belly and pulled through a small catheter to drain the fluid into my abdominal cavity. 

I have had some relief, but not as much as from the spinal tap.  The neurosurgeon set the shunt to drain slowly, so I have to be patient (a quality I have been developing!)

I will have my sutures removed on September 4 and I begin physical therapy on the 9th. I am hoping to regain my strength and stamina physically. I am already feeling empowered mentally and emotionally.  My spiritual rebirth is thanks to Jesus, the Master Physician, not the surgeon or medical team (although I am grateful to them all.)

The Apostle Paul wrote to the Romans "Not only that, but we glory in tribulation. . . " I am honestly and humbly grateful that the Lord loves me enough to allow me this condition.  I have learned patience, and hope, and that peace which passes all understanding.  Because of my impaired cognitive ability, I was making decisions that would have led to eternal disaster.  The Lord saved me from myself.  When I went into surgery, knowing I might not survive, I did so with peace because I felt that, if God chose to call me home, I was as ready to go as I have ever been.  I am praying that I never forget the lessons of these past few years and the miracles wrought in my behalf.  I pray I never lose that peace of mind and spirit and that, when God does call me home, I will be ready.  I want to hear Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." That will make all the losses and crosses disappear  Just the thought of it lifts me up closer to Him.

I praise and adore Him.